During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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