What did we do last night that was yellow?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
