Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
