great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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