I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
