I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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