Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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