I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
this is an emotional support booty call
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
