i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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