I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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