I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
