i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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