dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
