I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I understand Curling. That high.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
