I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
