Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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