I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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