he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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