I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
