your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
