bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
