you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
