you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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