just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
