When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
