Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Porn is love you can see.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!