I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER