I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS