My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.