My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?