So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
BRING THE BAGELS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
