Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
