& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like, not good at living.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
