its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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