if i died would you start the facebook group?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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