Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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