Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
