Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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