the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
