You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
