My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
