Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
