Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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