i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
