just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
