so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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