I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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