The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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