NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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