She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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