"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
