her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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