What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
