After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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