I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
