Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize