dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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