I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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