wat bout pragnant strippers??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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