You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
