One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
