I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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