I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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