Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
