I hate all girls vehemently.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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