If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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