Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
