how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I could fuck to npr.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize