Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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