I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
