you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
