Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
