dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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