It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
