i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
