Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
