I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
